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Dear daughter of an evil man,
My heart is dark
It’s stuttering again
I was never brave enough to walk through fire
If I had to walk alone I’d marry my throat to a wire
All men are wicked
I know, I’m one of them
But you endowed me with that mortal sin
I will follow your velvet ghost to the end
Or wrap my neck with the textured thread
Everything you fear will come to pass
These memories are brittle and they’ll never last
I just wanted your face to be the last thing that I would ever see
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2. |
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The day before you died I begged for any sign
To parse out the light
Those early morning drives
It was just you and I
Now it’s just mine
I’d wake up before the sun
Waiting for good news to come
I still see that look in your eyes
You know I’d never leave your side
With a little shred of dignity I pushed you down the halls
For 20 days you slipped away but I waited through it all
And it wore me out
For 20 days you slipped away and it wore me out
You told me how you met the man from your dreams
We found an old card in a box labeled “D’s favorite things”
“Happy 2 month anniversary”
Oh, the things we choose to keep
And on the day you died, it finally rained outside
And put out the fires
That burned through Oceanside
That burned me up inside
To me, a goodbye
Tomorrow I’ll make your bed
Your things are right where you left
And I’m still waiting for you to come back home
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3. |
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For the pure, no reward
For the wicked, no remorse
The circle will be unbroken, by and by
To the poor, no harm
To the tired, no harm
What malicious grifter swindled you of your soul
You worthless fascist making profit from sick and old
Staring down the tin barrel of the end of days
Tyrants siphoning milk from the Mother of all Strays
You fucking pig you got a dollar out of me
The sick will sleep in peace when you’re swinging from a tree
Gloria in exelcis deo, the rich are eating free
But there's none for you, none for me, none for cruel Stackolee
We wade through hell on earth for the carrion of peace
They fill our hearts with hate and then liquidate our teeth
Organon, do no harm
We tear at each other's throats for dog meat scraps of love
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4. |
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I love you as the ocean loves the shore
The azure foam returning home
The borealis pull on the string
Chiaroscuro, the end of all things
Lay velvet black in the urn
The distant ghosts of distant nights
I want those memories to ache
I want those memories to burn
Dear daughter of an evil man
The only friend I’ve ever had
I’ve been counting the days that pass
Holding on to memories that fade in frames of glass
When I see the aurora glow
In the vision I’m all alone
There are some things we’ll never know
We’re all going down the path that takes us home
Your soul as old as the chaparral hills laced with smoke
The hazel flames in your eye flicker and choke
I will wear that foxglove crown
And carry all the weight
Though the vale of death is overcast and gray
I still see a distant place where we drink from the stars in the glade
And in the morning we’ll dance by the sea in the rain
I will wait forever at the end of the glass shores
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5. |
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First spring without you
The tulips in full bloom
The shroud of onyx night lay gently over my eyes
I can hear you softly singing something in the meadow
In the upstairs bedroom by the edge of your window
The ochre steps, the velvet rope
The moonlight, the meadow
Hold on, heaven is close
Cascading white light on the valley below
Worship the moon for safe passage home
Do you really want to go back to that empty house
The ochre steps, the velvet rope
The moonlight, the meadow
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6. |
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Memories of mother’s eyes haunt you
Is it a fire, a presence that soothes
Sana sana
Sleep in heavenly peace
Do you reign over white hills
Was the journey long
“With the sky so full of stars
And the river so full of song”
I pray you heal at dawn
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7. |
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When I took you from home I knew it was the end
Spent the last few days just laying in your bed
Your body aches, your lungs so weak
The lavender painting your bruised body
That look I gave you, and you smiled back
It was the last time I saw you laugh
It hurts more than anything to see your empty bed
I’d cut off my right hand just to have you home again
I thought you’d have sage words for me
Maybe theyre buried beneath Pauma Valley
It’s the curtain call, the ringing of the bell
I’ll save us both, I’ll immolate myself
I can still hear you speak to me in my dreams
Your voice clear as day until the morning comes and washes it away
You were lighthouse beam guiding me home from sea
I’m tracing the shore for the light, but the cliff side crumbled and slipped into the formless night
I’m sick to death with grief
I knew you couldn’t stay, but I didn’t think you would leave
Please come home
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8. |
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I saw God in three white lights
Haunting the rafters that winter night
There were visions of childhood dreams
Of birth and death, of in-between
Your rapture
Traumatic like birth
While the rest of still wander the hollow tundras of Earth
And sometimes I’m still there
Drowning in locks of your dark hair
I’m singing that Zeppelin song
All of my love to you, all my love
Oh, the wax and wane
My passage through umbra, my threshold for pain
My heart arthritic with shame
Your suffering passes but I’m drunk just the same
Now everyone is drinking up the absinthe from the glass
I’ve seen what’s after this and it’s wholly fucking black
Is your last memory your coward son trying to be brave and stand up for you
Before they put you to sleep
It’s me, it’s me, it’s me, it’s me
Just give her back, you can take my hands
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9. |
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It’s getting dark outside, and everybody’s gone home
Maybe you should too
So grab your coat, I’ll drive you home with the radio low
I’m holding on to family haunts
The pine trees and crescent moon draped memories
The winter nights, the autumn dusk
The drives home with the five of us
Everybody’s stopping by
They’re driving in from out of town to say goodbye
I’ll come to your room tonight to say...
Goodnight, close your eyes for the last time
Goodnight
I’ll be alright
I’ll see you at sunrise
I won’t forget, I won’t forget
The hitch in your breath
Lay me down, put me to sleep
Oh, just to hear you breathe
No more harm, no more hurt
Just the dark before the dawn on repeat
If you sleep, do you dream
I hope that it is a warm safe memory
The dark repeats, but the circuit of harm is shattered to pieces by the shadow of a memory
I won’t remember the way you suffered, not half as much as I recall the laugh lines on your face
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10. |
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I can feel the love lighting up the darkness in my heart...
And I can feel the love grinding up the sorrow in my bones
Everyone that you love is calling down to you, “child, please come home”
And we’ll return as kings and queens
Wrapped up in some hollowed foreign sheets
Returning to our beds from when we were kids to finally get some sleep
And I can feel that love lighting up the darkness in my heart
...
I’m sick to death of the bittersweet
The precious weight of your memory
But it’s a burden I can carry
Just like you carried me
And if I ever get to sleep
I pray to see you in my dreams
Awake and healthy as can be
The sweetest thing to hear you speak
You’re still the lighthouse I need to see
But there’s no more woe is me
And you will always be my friend
My friend to the end
I know, I know
It’s love in the end
And in the end it’s love
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11. |
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Harm is Stray Mother's 2nd full length album, recorded at home in Winter through early Spring 2018