1. |
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The first thing I remember thinking was "I hate myself"
The shadow plants its seed while we're still young
And sorrow branches out
All I wanted was to die alone
I followed a fading light
I was led to see
I lived a beautiful life
I felt everything
A glittering withered tone
Into the great unknown
I was only a child when I learned that I can't stand the person I am
It took years of sun beams and tattered memories to come clean
Every year that we lived in a different house
The summers spent all alone
No childhood home
Is that black memory before our birth our destiny
Will they foreclose all our homes
Will happiness be free
I followed a fading light
I was led to see
The honey land, the onyx night
I could become clean
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2. |
The Orchestra
03:31
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On ochre shores
I'm unborn
And I have sworn
To the will of the liturgy
My conscience wrenched from the furthest depths
Between heaven and nothing
The longer I stay
The faster things change
And I just can't find an end
The orchestra still plays
Past all of our best days
Our oldest memories
Of overcast mornings
When they bury me will you feel guilty that you don't feel anything
Will it haunt you in the end
The orchestra still plays
Past all of our best days
There's nothing you can do
Time goes on without you
I'm trying to be good
Adoring every person I've every met
Everyone that came and left
It was the answer all this time
To love without asking for it back
It was the answer all this time
In the end it's love
The orchestra still plays
Past all of our best days
I know, I know
It's love in the end
It's the answer
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3. |
Cover Your Eyes
04:24
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You're a coward
And everyone knows
Why are you so scared to lose your home
The brush fire is coming down the mountainside
Take a look, don't cover your eyes
I miss the old days
And I miss everyone
You feel sorry for yourself, you feel numb
Most just try to get by
So why can't I
You lost yourself in September
The harvest moon your tombstone seal
The memories swell and spark as embers
I feel them smoldering beneath my heel
You've been a fool
Waiting for something to change
Be a good brother, find a way out of this place
But you can't
You never helped anyone or anything
No one would be your friend when you were just a stupid kid
So you learned to be alone
Learned to scrap every exit plan that would even take you from your home
And now you lash out to cope
You try your best to be a good person
If not for yourself
For anyone else
Most just try to get by
So why can't I
Why can't I
The scent of maple leaves carry in from Autumn
Makes you remember the terrible things you've done for love
I never thought we'd grow up
I had nightmares of driving home alone when I was young
It makes me think about who I could've been
For every house we've lived in
Every Christmas morning in a different living room
For every time when we said we'd move out soon
Every summer spent beneath the blaring sun
And every memory where our family and friends aren't gone
Every year we couldn't afford a home anymore
The day I found a foreclosed sign on our door
Brother, I know it doesn't feel right
We were never cut out for the long and quiet life
Cover your eyes
Don't cover your eyes
You'll be alright
Cover your eyes
Don't cover your eyes
No coward is a brother of mine
Cover your eyes
Don't cover your eyes
You'll be alright
Cover your eyes
Don't cover your eyes
We'll make it out just fine
Cover your eyes
Don't cover your eyes
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4. |
Rust Light
01:06
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5. |
Aurora Grove
05:02
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It'll never end
I'm sorry
Just know that if these letters never send
My lovely
You'll always be my friend until the end
I haven't slept at all this week
And when I do it's only dreams
At the end of spring we tied our heart strings
To the roots beneath an apricot tree
We watched the clouds roll over hills on the boardwalk
I'm still here and I just wanted to talk
Can this summer burn to fall like tinder
The rusting light carries ashes, oak and cinder
What pathetic thing do I have to say to make you come back to me
I won’t forget how the auroras shine
Reminding me of how your eyes turn green like mine
Drifting forever on the currents of time
We left so many pieces of ourselves behind
Does it ever end
It never ends
Will you take the misery just to give it back
Well I thought you'd never ask
I have so much love to give
I'm begging you to take it from me
Please take it from me
I have so much misery, won't you come and take it from me
Take it away from me
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6. |
CARŌ
07:35
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I feel so empty
Please fill me with anything
Beneath the moonlight
I beg to die
Is there a sycamore
Beyond the walls
The garden walls
Your mother's daisies peacefully buried
I was a coward when I loved God
Now I'm so lost
I got so lost
The kid who believed was drowned in his sleep
"They're calling you home, calling you home
Pull up the anchor, you know where to go
Calling you home, calling you home
Head for the lighthouse and brace for the snow"
You love your mother
But do you love your father
You were meant to be their only daughter
I was heartsick
I drank the water
A holy ghost that always lost a barter
Is love a birthright
Is it an honor
If I go it alone I'll be a goner
This love's a burden
I can't go farther
Every lonely bastard wants to die a martyr
Mother filled her light house with daisies
And shined the beam over stormy seas
But her sons won't ever see the light
"Please come home
I can't sleep alone
It's so cold here all the time
And I cant feel the light"
Beg forgiveness from a callous goddess
Storm the pulpit and drain its animus
Your pale white skin a translucent tomb
If I could I'd come back to you
I'll raze all the pastures and pray to the moon
"They're calling you home, calling you home"
I can't see the light I don't know where to go
"Calling you home, calling you home"
The storm's picking up my vision is full of snow
"Calling you home, calling you home"
Beyond the wall
The garden walls
"Calling you home, calling you home"
Now I'm so lost
I got so lost
My soul is crippled withered and black
Tear me apart and feed the meat to the rats
Hand the noose to the widow
Pull the rope to the side
I've been on plenty of gallows
Just take my fucking life
If it's my flesh you want than thy will be done
I AM NO ONE'S SON
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7. |
Ruins of Night
02:33
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8. |
San Marcos Cemetery
02:46
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Will this melody carry to the granite quarry
Beneath Double Peak
Will the crickets sing beside the creek
From the summer nights in late June to the harvest moon
Seasons changing soon
At umber dusk there plays a tune
When I die bury me beneath San Marcos Cemetery
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9. |
Until May
05:04
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This was never your fault
So why do you feel shame
Sink my teeth into the pale white walls
Doctor forgets my name
I'm just letting you know
I'll stick around for a while
Her nails turn black like the hillside after brush fire
And your eyes flushed
The sky was filled with smoke
And your skin’s gone cold
Like my faith
I won't leave you here
To face the ever after
And I won't leave you here
Not again
And when you go under
I won't walk away
I won't drink all the way home
I won't shut down until May
And I won't leave you here
Not again
And when you go under
I won't walk away
I won't drink all the way home
I won't shut down ‘til May
Open up skies
Bring down the rain
I just want a break today
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10. |
It's Not Your Fault
01:54
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Do you remember the night in your car when you told me you think about suicide
I think about it all the time
It's like I'm still inside your car
And I can't get out
Until I know what to say
We all suffer life together
No one asks to be alive
We're all wrenched from the womb into the rusting light
It's not a coincidence that every one of us is sick
Desperate to feel OK, but we can't afford it
It's not your fault
At dusk the boxcar trains carry mirth into the hills beyond the silhouettes of trees
We wade through hell on earth for the carrion of peace
They fill our hearts with hate then liquidate our teeth
I know that it scares you to take the first step
But when you shatter your chains I swear to god it's worth it
And when the bourgeoisie unhinge their jaw
We'll cut them off at the knees and feed them to the dogs
In the end it's love
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11. |
The Edelwood Trees
02:29
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12. |
I Am So Very Worthless
13:54
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The old days filter from the sun through dust beams
Silver rays that whisper tales of Pinion Street
The oldest haunts from back when I was young
Melodies linger of lives already gone
The arid sky and its full moon out west
The chaparral hills dry like cigarettes
We walked past the million dollar homes in San Francisco
The horizon was blood soaked
What a beautiful life we never led
We never did
I never reconciled, I'm sorry
I'm still the kid from the start of the story
I'll never learn to love myself
But I can't help but love everyone else
At the end you wake back up in your parent's bed
It was all a bad dream, lose everyone you ever met
That nostalgic thought, the primordial black
I hear it's just another path
"The grey rain curtain of this world pulls back
And all turns to silver glass"
I felt everything
Then I felt nothing
I know, I know
It's love in the end
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