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The Long Quiet Life (Remaster)

by Stray Mother

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1.
The first thing I remember thinking was "I hate myself" The shadow plants its seed while we're still young And sorrow branches out All I wanted was to die alone I followed a fading light I was led to see I lived a beautiful life I felt everything A glittering withered tone Into the great unknown I was only a child when I learned that I can't stand the person I am It took years of sun beams and tattered memories to come clean Every year that we lived in a different house The summers spent all alone No childhood home Is that black memory before our birth our destiny Will they foreclose all our homes Will happiness be free I followed a fading light I was led to see The honey land, the onyx night I could become clean
2.
On ochre shores I'm unborn And I have sworn To the will of the liturgy My conscience wrenched from the furthest depths Between heaven and nothing The longer I stay The faster things change And I just can't find an end The orchestra still plays Past all of our best days Our oldest memories Of overcast mornings When they bury me will you feel guilty that you don't feel anything Will it haunt you in the end The orchestra still plays Past all of our best days There's nothing you can do Time goes on without you I'm trying to be good Adoring every person I've every met Everyone that came and left It was the answer all this time To love without asking for it back It was the answer all this time In the end it's love The orchestra still plays Past all of our best days I know, I know It's love in the end It's the answer
3.
You're a coward And everyone knows Why are you so scared to lose your home The brush fire is coming down the mountainside Take a look, don't cover your eyes I miss the old days And I miss everyone You feel sorry for yourself, you feel numb Most just try to get by So why can't I You lost yourself in September The harvest moon your tombstone seal The memories swell and spark as embers I feel them smoldering beneath my heel You've been a fool Waiting for something to change Be a good brother, find a way out of this place But you can't You never helped anyone or anything No one would be your friend when you were just a stupid kid So you learned to be alone Learned to scrap every exit plan that would even take you from your home And now you lash out to cope You try your best to be a good person If not for yourself For anyone else Most just try to get by So why can't I Why can't I The scent of maple leaves carry in from Autumn Makes you remember the terrible things you've done for love I never thought we'd grow up I had nightmares of driving home alone when I was young It makes me think about who I could've been For every house we've lived in Every Christmas morning in a different living room For every time when we said we'd move out soon Every summer spent beneath the blaring sun And every memory where our family and friends aren't gone Every year we couldn't afford a home anymore The day I found a foreclosed sign on our door Brother, I know it doesn't feel right We were never cut out for the long and quiet life Cover your eyes Don't cover your eyes You'll be alright Cover your eyes Don't cover your eyes No coward is a brother of mine Cover your eyes Don't cover your eyes You'll be alright Cover your eyes Don't cover your eyes We'll make it out just fine Cover your eyes Don't cover your eyes
4.
Rust Light 01:06
5.
Aurora Grove 05:02
It'll never end I'm sorry Just know that if these letters never send My lovely You'll always be my friend until the end I haven't slept at all this week And when I do it's only dreams At the end of spring we tied our heart strings To the roots beneath an apricot tree We watched the clouds roll over hills on the boardwalk I'm still here and I just wanted to talk Can this summer burn to fall like tinder The rusting light carries ashes, oak and cinder What pathetic thing do I have to say to make you come back to me I won’t forget how the auroras shine Reminding me of how your eyes turn green like mine Drifting forever on the currents of time We left so many pieces of ourselves behind Does it ever end It never ends Will you take the misery just to give it back Well I thought you'd never ask I have so much love to give I'm begging you to take it from me Please take it from me I have so much misery, won't you come and take it from me Take it away from me
6.
CARŌ 07:35
I feel so empty Please fill me with anything Beneath the moonlight I beg to die Is there a sycamore Beyond the walls The garden walls Your mother's daisies peacefully buried I was a coward when I loved God Now I'm so lost I got so lost The kid who believed was drowned in his sleep "They're calling you home, calling you home Pull up the anchor, you know where to go Calling you home, calling you home Head for the lighthouse and brace for the snow" You love your mother But do you love your father You were meant to be their only daughter I was heartsick I drank the water A holy ghost that always lost a barter Is love a birthright Is it an honor If I go it alone I'll be a goner This love's a burden I can't go farther Every lonely bastard wants to die a martyr Mother filled her light house with daisies And shined the beam over stormy seas But her sons won't ever see the light "Please come home I can't sleep alone It's so cold here all the time And I cant feel the light" Beg forgiveness from a callous goddess Storm the pulpit and drain its animus Your pale white skin a translucent tomb If I could I'd come back to you I'll raze all the pastures and pray to the moon "They're calling you home, calling you home" I can't see the light I don't know where to go "Calling you home, calling you home" The storm's picking up my vision is full of snow "Calling you home, calling you home" Beyond the wall The garden walls "Calling you home, calling you home" Now I'm so lost I got so lost My soul is crippled withered and black Tear me apart and feed the meat to the rats Hand the noose to the widow Pull the rope to the side I've been on plenty of gallows Just take my fucking life If it's my flesh you want than thy will be done I AM NO ONE'S SON
7.
8.
Will this melody carry to the granite quarry Beneath Double Peak Will the crickets sing beside the creek From the summer nights in late June to the harvest moon Seasons changing soon At umber dusk there plays a tune When I die bury me beneath San Marcos Cemetery
9.
Until May 05:04
This was never your fault So why do you feel shame Sink my teeth into the pale white walls Doctor forgets my name I'm just letting you know I'll stick around for a while Her nails turn black like the hillside after brush fire And your eyes flushed The sky was filled with smoke And your skin’s gone cold Like my faith I won't leave you here To face the ever after And I won't leave you here Not again And when you go under I won't walk away I won't drink all the way home I won't shut down until May And I won't leave you here Not again And when you go under I won't walk away I won't drink all the way home I won't shut down ‘til May Open up skies Bring down the rain I just want a break today
10.
Do you remember the night in your car when you told me you think about suicide I think about it all the time It's like I'm still inside your car And I can't get out Until I know what to say We all suffer life together No one asks to be alive We're all wrenched from the womb into the rusting light It's not a coincidence that every one of us is sick Desperate to feel OK, but we can't afford it It's not your fault At dusk the boxcar trains carry mirth into the hills beyond the silhouettes of trees We wade through hell on earth for the carrion of peace They fill our hearts with hate then liquidate our teeth I know that it scares you to take the first step But when you shatter your chains I swear to god it's worth it And when the bourgeoisie unhinge their jaw We'll cut them off at the knees and feed them to the dogs In the end it's love
11.
12.
The old days filter from the sun through dust beams Silver rays that whisper tales of Pinion Street The oldest haunts from back when I was young Melodies linger of lives already gone The arid sky and its full moon out west The chaparral hills dry like cigarettes We walked past the million dollar homes in San Francisco The horizon was blood soaked What a beautiful life we never led We never did I never reconciled, I'm sorry I'm still the kid from the start of the story I'll never learn to love myself But I can't help but love everyone else At the end you wake back up in your parent's bed It was all a bad dream, lose everyone you ever met That nostalgic thought, the primordial black I hear it's just another path "The grey rain curtain of this world pulls back And all turns to silver glass" I felt everything Then I felt nothing I know, I know It's love in the end

about

The Long Quiet Life was recorded at home from May to October in 2017
credits and originally released November 15, 2017. Remixed and remastered at home December 2018 - January 2019.

credits

released January 7, 2019

Andy Arciniega - Bass on track 3
Bowen Armour (We Move Like Lions) - Drums on tracks 2, 3, 6, and vocals on track 6
Nashelle Brown - Vocals on track 6
Jack Lambert (King Bloom) - Vocals on track 5
David Reyes-Rodriguez (Headstone) - Vocals on track 10
Juan Urrea (Ex Harbor) - Vocals on track 8
Music written and recorded by Travis Boyens

Thank you to all of the following,
Jack, Nashelle, David, Bowen, Andy, Juan, Steph, Roger, Alan, Noe, Gabe, Manny, Keenan, Ryan, Mike Garcia, Charlie Kay, Gavin, King Bloom, Headstone, Kinda Rad Kinda Sad, my brothers
And anyone who listens to Stray Mother

For Casilda

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Stray Mother San Diego, California

San Diego musician Travis Boyens

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